Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

-- Sharon Stone

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."

-- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty.

Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing

quite well for themselves."

-- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but

he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's

genitals through his wallet."

-- Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

-- Billy Crystal

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like

and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand,

we can open all our own jars."

-- Bruce Willis (on difference between men/women)

"And God said, 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on

me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."

-- George Burns

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."

-- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal - 1996)

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either

you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."

-- Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading."

-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the

natural enemy of a tightrope walker."

-- Dan Rather (News anchorman)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid

problem?'"

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.

Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

-- Tiger Woods

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a

Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."

-- Axel Rose (Guns 'n' Roses)

"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment

turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."

-- Rev. Jesse Jackson

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

-- Jack Nicholson

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only

time of the month that I can be myself."

-- Roseanne

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable

undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women.

They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just

grateful."

-- Robert De Niro

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that

really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to

women's breasts?"

-- Hugh Grant

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?"

-- Dustin Hoffman

"When the sun comes up, I have morals again"

-- Elizabeth Taylor

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know

what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"

-- Jerry Seinfield

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only

enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams